Growing up as the "shy" girl
From a young age I've always been quite reserved and shy especially once I hit primary school. Being the only girl of colour in my class had an impact on me. One day I came home from school and said "Mum I'm the only brown girl in the class!". I always felt as though I did not fit in or no one really liked me because I was different. Most kids in my class were really outgoing and confident, however I found it difficult to come out of my shell. I often stuck to one girl who was also quite shy.
Sometimes I would feel left out as when it came to getting into pairs in class or at break time I'd always be one of last people left without a partner. Being shy made it difficult to express myself but, when I was around family or people I felt comfortable with I was easy going and friendly. I remember there was a boy who used to call me chocolate girl- at the time I did not know that was racist so I never said anything to anyone. Sometimes he would pull my hair or pinch me but I'd be too afraid to tell anyone as I never had the guts to. I knew he would carry on.
Once I started year 7 things changed. Although I only knew my best friend at that time, Maria, I quickly settled in and gained a small circle of friends. I think the environment made all the difference, I wasn't the only girl of colour anymore as the school was a lot more multicultural. I slowly started to speak up more for myself and had a mind of my own. I knew not to take any teasing or silly remarks from the "popular" people seriously. I just mind my own business and stuck to my girlfriends.
In fact it was that first year of secondary school where I met my first boyfriend, it wasn't anything serious of course, but it was a time in my life where I started to feel more confident within myself as I felt I could speak to anyone. It just took me longer than others to get used to new people.
I have to admit I'm still that girl today, even now I'm studying at uni. I think its an issue with self-confidence rather than not knowing what to say to people. If I have something in common with someone we'll instantly click or sometimes it takes time to open up to people if I assume they are not interested in getting to know me. I have to say my first year of uni was a struggle. I went in there hoping for a fresh start and to make new friends as I had deleted most of them out of life by then. Leaving school and college was a real eye opener as to who were real or who were fake, but that's another story for me to tell...
Anyways back to what I was saying. Initially I did not find people in my class very friendly as it seemed like most people had already created their own circle of friends. They did not seem open to getting to know others outside of their circles, so it was difficult to get to know people when they were so focused on themselves and their friends. However, now I have a few people that I talk to but my best friend is my boyfriend and I've learnt how to adjust to having a small amount of people in my life but also embracing what I have. It's better to have less friends than lots of friends because at least it is easier to know who is being sincere.
