Chapter 24

I'll be honest with you, I wasn't really looking forward to my 24th birthday, but in my 24 years of life I have learnt so much that I want to share. Yes you can say I am still young and I've still got my whole life ahead of me but this is just a personal reflection of how far I've come. Since my teens I never quite imagined how my life would turn out at 24, all i knew was that I wanted to go to uni, get my first car, become a journalist and move out. So much has changed since then and I'm starting to learn more about myself than I knew before.

24 isn't that significant but I have to say I will never forget this year. I've walked away from a lot of things and it has truly changed me for the better. I'm no longer staying in situations that drain my energy, devalue me and doing things that do nothing for my life. One of the things I've learnt is that you have to let go of people that don't value you and keep your distance from toxic people. There's no need for unnecessary stress, if you can't get anywhere with that person you just have to step back and let them realise their mistakes. Only then, will they realise how much you are there for them and they'll stop playing the victim.

This also relates to pleasing others whilst neglecting your own needs. When you try so hard to please the people around you, you're missing out on discovering who you are and what you want in life. Do you and don't allow others to make you feel guilty when you decide to put yourself first; as Florence Given once said, "When you have lived a life of people pleasing, saying your true desires will make you feel guilty". Just stop caring about what others will think, if you're happy with your choices then you're on the right path. Most of the time these expectations people have of you are based on social and cultural norms that you're not entitled to follow. If you feel like you can't be your authentic self by being submissive to social and cultural stereotypes, then it's not worth it. F**k the norms.

It's the people you trust the most that can hurt you the most and you have to accept that. Life is unfair but no one said it would be easy, we all have to go through it. However, it's important that you learn to forgive even if you can't forget. Holding on to s**t is only hurting yourself even more, the built up anger and sadness will only damage your mental health. I can't stress this enough but gradually you will learn to let it go.

I get it we are in the middle of a pandemic and its hard to see any hope to be honest but if you want something don't wait for anyone else to encourage you. When you're mentally and physically ready to reach your goals you will do it just be patient with yourself then things will go your way. There's no point forcing yourself, just trust the process. It's kind of like I've been meaning to post this blog post in October but I just haven't been in that frame of mind to write recently and it's ok. It's not worth beating myself up about it. Sometimes as humans we get run down and need to recharge our energy.

Another thought to keep in mind is not everyone is your friend. I learnt this earlier on in life and I'm glad I did. Having lots of friends is nice and all especially if you have common interests but that's all superficial. Be friends with people that have a similar mindset to you and share the same values as you. You can't go looking for these friends just focus on you then they will be attracted by your energy. I will be real with you I don't have a lot of friends after my experiences with friends but I'm content with that now as I used to think the more friends you have the more likeable you are. The numbers mean nothing, the quality of your friendship is all that matters.

There's a saying keep it private until you know it's permanent. This is honestly so true. Stay on the low whilst you're progressing towards your dreams and when you start to see the results people will acknowledge it for themselves. I used to be so open about my goals but now I've found a way to be more reserved and think about what I say to certain people. There are people out there who you might believe want the best for you but behind your back they are envious of you. Don't allow anyone's negative energy to get in the way of you fulfilling your dreams. Period.

So my 24 years of life has been a journey full of highs and lows but I'm happy to see another year especially in these unpredictable times. Bring on 25!

Please share and let me know what you've learnt from 2020. It's something to think about...